She's crafty

A little Beastie Boys reference there in the title, but no that's not the kind of crafty I'm talking about. I am literally talking about crafts...since I've been out of bloggy world I've been gettin' my craft on more so than in the past. I've gotten some good projects completed, and I've found it to be quite therapeutic actually! I have found that it's not so much the crafty work involved that I enjoy, it's the completed project that I relish. It feels really good to me when I finish something. I find unfinished business really nags at the back of my mind. And of course it's great having something fun to do when stuck inside during the winter, and you get something pretty to look at in the end.

So I took on finishing Maggie's babybook-- it is a scrapbook just like I did for Mia. I really should have carefully considered the kind of babybook I made for Mia because it set the precedent for all our other kids. Scrapbooking can be fun but it's also kind of laborious and messy-- not such a great craft when you have nosy little ones poking into everything you do! Even so, it turned out cute, and it was fun taking a trip down memory lane looking at all the baby photos of Magsees.

My favorite crafty thing to do these days is sew. I made a new set of curtains for my living room, and I think they came out quite nicely. Then I took on doing my first sewing project following a pattern-- I chose a sassy, retro apron. Cute AND functional. Sweet! Then came my big project...my first quilt. It's a lap quilt for my living room and it coordinates with the curtains I made. Boy was that a lot of work! I definitely have a long way to go as far as technique goes if I want to become a quilter. It is really pretty, but that's mostly due to the fact that I used yummy fabric by my fave designer, Amy Butler. I could probably totally butcher a project and it would still look pretty if I used her fabric. Check out the photo and you'll see what I mean!

Anyways, still deciding what I want my next project to be. I am by no means original or as crafty as some people, but I enjoy it.

Peace

Even though I have been rather melancholy and emotional lately, I've also felt a lot of peace with what's going on with my mom. The Bible says that God will give us peace that transcends understanding (Philippians 4:7). I have been abiding in this truth lately.

Some other things that are helping me process my thoughts and feelings are two books that I am reading. The first is called "Heaven: God's answers for your every need" by Randy Alcorn. With the trials my mom has been experiencing, she has been reading a lot on the topic of heaven. I guess she assumed we could benefit from reading it too, because she gave it to all us kids for Christmas. It's an easy read really because it's set up in question-and-answer format. It addresses common questions people have about heaven like: Do heaven's inhabitants remember life on earth? What will we do for all of eternity? What will our resurrection bodies look like? Will there be animals and sports and food and....? Alcorn attempts to answer these questions based on what the Bible lays out for us. So far it's a very interesting read. It's strange that most of us who are followers of Christ don't spend more time thinking about heaven (myself included!). Isn't that what we are all looking forward to!? It's too easy to get distracted with the here and now on earth...

The second book I am reading is called "Is God to Blame? (Beyond pat answers to the problem of suffering)" by Gregory A. Boyd. My mom got me this book a few years ago. I have always been intrigued about the subject of how an all-powerful, loving God can allow evil and tragic events to occur. If God truly loves us, why does He allow us to suffer? Boyd, the author, addresses these issues in the book. So far it has proven to be a fantastic read...it's really making me analyze the way I view God. I'm still in the process of reading it, but I will try to write more about it in the future as suffering is such an important subject. Why God allows the innocent to suffer is a major reason that many people reject God entirely!

I should add that my husband and beautiful girls help to lift my spirits daily as well. Hard to be sad when, as I type this, my girls are singing "Old McDonald" together in the other room. :)

Ebb and flow...

Last night I got some bad news. It's not like I didn't see it coming, but expecting it and being faced with the reality are very different things. My dad has felt like my mom's condition has been declining with each day. So after a discussion with the doctor, my mom and dad decided to decline any further treatment of the cancer, and they have arranged for hospice care to come into the home. Aggressive treatment now turns to making Mom comfortable in her final days.

All throughout my mom's battle with cancer, I have tried to remain optimistic and believe for healing. However, after finding out a couple weeks ago that the cancer foraged into her brain....well, I guess I woke up to the frightening realization that she very well could be dying. The first time I said that out loud led to a stream of bitter tears. Even now as I write, I find it hard to put words to my feelings. I want to write because it helps with processing, but either I am a poor writer or the English language has a huge void in accurately expressing the heart! I mean, how can I encompass the world of emotions that I feel right now!? It's a cycling of emotions right now....sadness, anger, peace, shock....each day includes some or all of those.

I guess I'm writing this post out of a current state of sadness. Later I will write about the peace I have. Gabe and I have felt much peace lately in reading a book that my mom got us for Christmas...it's about heaven.

Coming through, loud and clear

Sometimes I feel like my kids don't listen to a word I say. I repeat the same things over and OVER...but are they actually listening!? However, sometimes I get an answer to that question. Or at least in part. Maybe not everything I say is getting through to them , but some things definitely are. I don't have to question where Mia gets some of the things she says (I know where Maggie gets everything she says-- right from her sister!). Lately Mia has been saying something to the likes of: "This is making me crazy!!!" (You'll just have to imagine that being said with A LOT of drama.) Uh-oh...good job mommy. Yup, guilty as charged...I say that exact phrase. Another thing she tells me is "Just calm down, Mommy." I tell her this all the time as she is quite the drama queen, but when she says that to me...ugh, it's really annoying and patronizing. Hmmm...maybe that's how she feels when I say it to her...

Highs and lows

I've been pondering on how to cover the past 8 or whatever months that are missing from my blog. I was going to dedicate several posts to summarizing that period of time, but frankly, I just don't think I have the energy for it right now. Maybe later I will?

Here is the very raw summary:
Mia turned 3 in April. The summer started out nice. Found out my mom has kidney cancer in June...Mom & Dad return from South Africa stat and Mom gets her kidney removed. Had a lovely visit in PA with hubby's family. Visit AZ in August to see Mom and Dad...good to see the family...Mom is recovering nicely from surgery but will need to start chemo ASAP because the cancer is aggressive and has spread to her lungs. September, find out I am expecting baby #3...tired and queasy turns to feeling fine...have a miscarriage. Thought I was 10 weeks but turns out baby stopped growing at 6. A few days after D&C surgery, November 8th, Maggie turns 2. I am a hormonal/emotional wreck for a few weeks. In-laws visit for Thanksgiving. We are broke and have been for a while...so much for the so-called raise he was supposed to get by moving here! December...find out Mom has been going downhill since Thanksgiving...the most recent drug isn't working...the cancer is in her bones and brain now too. Have a low-key Christmas and New Years. Our church announces it's closing it's doors in a couple months...ran out of money. Feeling melancholy a lot...thinking of and praying for Mom. Feel a sense of urgency to see Mom...trip planned for January.

So there you have it. 2009 in a nutshell. Gabe and I have decided that 2009 wasn't such a hot year for us. We definitely had our share of bad news. Oh well, it is what it is. I try to tell myself that I can't truly appreciate the highs in life without experiencing the lows. And this is true I suppose, but when you're at the bottom that little quip isn't that comforting. However, what IS comforting to me lately is the fact that Jesus actually cares when we are hurting. Throughout my mom's battle with cancer, she has been keeping an online journal of her thoughts and experiences. One theme that pervades is that of "exchanging of my weakness for His strength". It really is amazing that, in our weakest, direst, most desperate conditions we can find God's strength peace the most.

I'm back...again!

Well, I'm back. I'd been considering a comeback to blogging for a while-- I'm not quite sure what made me decide to commit to it, but regardless here I am. I've been gone a while, and it's been quite a year. Unfortunately I can't say it's all been sunshine and rainbows this year. But, I'll leave that topic for a later post I suppose.

I'd like to make this post about my thoughts on New Years. Last night my husband and I turned on the countdown to midnight they do on TV at NYC Times Square. Every year it's the same 'ol drill: tons and tons of people packed together, smiling, waving, drinking, kissing, countdown to the ball dropping, everyone acting like this coming year is going to be amazing....blah, blah, blah. For the most part I'm thinking-- what's the big deal? It's just another day with a different number attached to it? So what? But I got to thinking about it some more, and I think the dawn of a new year definitely does deserve special attention.

I think New Year's Day is an important demarcation in our lives. Every year we are urged to ponder the past year-- what was good? what was bad? what would we like to change? These are important considerations in our lives. How does make any progress without evaluating the past and looking to the future? Perhaps I'm a bit simplistic in the fact that I need to be told to do this...I don't know. I'm still processing 2009. Thoughts to come on that and 2010 perhaps....

P.S. New year, new look. Courtesy of http://simplychicblogs.blogspot.com/

Only a Man

For the past few days I've been playing Jonny Lang's "Only a Man" over and over...I can't help but cry or at least get teary eyed every time I hear it. It's an absolutely beautiful song, but it's not the melody or vocals that get me emotional-- although they are definitely beautiful in their own right. It's the lyrics. They're autobiographical of Jonny's experience with God. I love how the lyrics are so raw, vulnerable and intense. You'd do yourself a favor to sit down and listen-- really listen-- to this song. Here's a link to listen if it suits your fancy: http://www.last.fm/music/Jonny+Lang/_/Only+a+Man

Wishful thinking

This is where I wanna be right now. No, not back to the day when Maggie was this sweet little thing...I'm thinking it would be nice for ME to be that little baby again...just for a day. It sure would be nice to just sleep, eat, be cradled, repeat. Ah, such a simple existence!

Fly on the wall

Well, in honor of it being Valentine's Day-- the day o' love-- I will tell a little love story. Don't want you all thinking I'm an absolute Scrooge...or whatever you would call someone who doesn't like Valentine's Day. :)

Last weekend one of my friends had her baby. I was fortunate enough to visit her and her new little one in the hospital. What a sweet little baby boy! While I was at the hospital I got to witness a very sweet interaction:

My friend's mom was also there in the hospital room, and towards the end of our visit little baby Nathan was again being held by his grandma. Even though there were 6 of us in the room, it was as if it was just her and the little baby in her arms...and I was a fly on the wall. Everyone else was engaged in conversation, but she sat still, staring down at her grandson with a soft smile on her face. What captured me was the sweet look on her face. All at once it captured love, acceptance, gentleness and reminiscence. In the past, I've witnessed my own mother holding my babies and looking down on them with this exact same look. It's absolutely pure and beautiful.

I realized that although a mother can view her child through the lenses of unconditional love, only a grandmother can view her child with the love of understanding that comes through life experience. Living the experience of raising a daughter and seeing her have children of her own...that's love and wisdom on a whole different level. It's so amazing to think maybe one day I'll get to see my sweet Mia and Maggie have babies of their own. Maybe then I'll truly understand this "look" I witnessed in my friend's mother and my mother on an even more personal level.

V Day

Today I had to run to the grocery store to pick up a few random items. As I was walking up to the front of the store to checkout, I went through the card aisle. There were about 5 men rifling through the Valentine's cards, looking for that perfect card to capture their feelings. Or maybe I should say, the one that they think their wife or girlfriend will like the most.

I have to admit that every Valentine's Day I am rather annoyed! I just can't understand for the life of me why on earth we need this day!? Shouldn't we be showing our loved ones that we love them on a much more regular basis than one day a year? V Day really just seems like a way for all the stores to make more money...it's like they were experiencing a sales slump between Christmas and Easter so they filled in the gap with Valentine's Day!

OK, I know that's not the true origin...I'm just ranting. Like I said, it's annoying. I hate it that men are pressured to buy their special someone a cheesy card and some tacky balloons-- oh, and don't forget the Russell Stovers chocolates. Nothing says "I love you" like a box of Russell Stovers chocolates! Perhaps even worse than the fact that men cave to the pressure is all the women who make their husband or boyfriend feel like he HAS to do something "special" on V Day!

Alright, rant over. :)

Spring Tease

Lately we've had a bit of a spring weather. Almost all of the snow has melted, and it feels like spring is here. Of course, it's only a tease because it's February so winter hasn't had her final say-- but we'll take it! It was 60 degrees and sunny yesterday so we were actually able to go to the park! Who would've thought we'd be able to have a park day in February!?!

Yesterday was the first time in quite a while that the girls were able to go outside without coats and hats on. When we went outside to get in the car, Mia started dashing around, absolutely ecstatic. She had her face up to the sun, huge grin, with the wind blowing through her hair while she did laps around the car. Then I realized...she's acting out exactly what I'm feeling right now! The beautiful weather had absolutely gone to our heads and we were totally giddy! Even I felt like jumping and sprinting around in glee! Weeeee! Hooray for this taste of spring-- we needed it!

Happy Birthday Gabe!

Today is my hubby's birthday...
Since it's all about Gabe today, I wanted to list just a few of the things that I truly love about my husband. There are many things of course...these are just a few!

First of all, I completely appreciate and love how he makes me and the kids his priority. There's never a doubt in my mind (and never has been) that we are Gabe's whole world. I know that all he wants is to love us as best as he can, and he really does such a great job at it. I've never felt unloved or rejected by him. He is never rude, disrespectful or dishonest. I can't tell you how much I value the fact that I can say that! Even if Gabe has a bad day or he's a little cranky, he never acts it out on me or the kids. I know that it take a lot of self-control and personal responsibility to do that-- that's definitely an area I am working on!

Along this same line of thinking, I admire the love and compassion that Gabe has for everyone. He can and will talk to anyone and everyone. Somehow he always finds something to talk about --even people who he has nothing in common with-- and it's never awkward. People open up and tell him things about themselves or their lives, even without you asking! He truly has a way with people...

I love Gabe's boisterous laugh and zeal for the things he's excited about. It's not just me that feels this way...ask anyone who knows him-- his excitement and intensity are contagious! I love to be around him! He is outgoing, exciting, funny, spontaneous, smart, and all around a great man. I love you Gabriel with all my heart!

Let the dress-up begin!

Mia is finally in that stage where she's loving to play dress-up. And it seems like it happened all of the sudden-- she even WANTS me to take pictures of her in her costumes! Playing dress-up is one of my favorite pastimes too...I specifically remember the pair of my Mom's high heels that were my favorites to play in. A rockin 80's heel with a corky looking heel and a twisted leather, strappy upper part. Thanks Mom. :) Here's a few pictures of Mia's finest...

Can you all tell that a lot of bed-jumping goes on in our house??

Poor Maggie...little did she know she'd be enlisted to be a hippie fairy today!

I'm wondering if Muslim lingerie looks anything like this ;)

Steeler Nation

Well, Steeler Nation was in full force at our house last night. For those who don't know, my hubby is from PA so he grew up rooting for Pittsburgh. It was rather ironic that they were playing Arizona in the Superbowl as that's where we moved from just a year and a half ago! If it had been any other team besides the Steelers, we probably would've rooted for the Cards. I mean let's face it, it's fun to root for the underdog. Funny thing is though, the Cards were always such a joke for Arizonans. People would laugh at how awful they were...season after season. Now all of the sudden they're good-- and that Larry Fitzgerald! Holy cow, he's awesome!

Anyways...getting back to the Steelers. Gabe had his Steelers shirt on along with his Terrible towel. Even Mia was whippin' that Terrible towel around shouting "Go Steelers" in a cheerleading type of chant (OK, I admit it...I taught her to do that!). We had a bit of a scare in the 4th quarter but the Steelers pulled it off! It was fun watching with Gabe because he was so exuberant---he was half of our entertainment! Some of our friends got to witness just how loud he can get-- good thing he warned them beforehand! Ha! If they ever wondered where Mia got her energy from, there is now no question. :)

Go Steelers!

Happiness and Morality, Part 3

OK, so you may be thinking, "What's up with all this happiness and morality business?" Well, it's really nothing major. It's just a topic I think about often and I try to work on even more often. Every couple months I reference back to this book and each time I think I come to appreciate the book all the more. In case you missed it-- the book is called "Happiness is a Serious Problem: A Human Nature Repair Manual" by Dennis Prager. In my opinion, everyone could benefit from reading it, no matter how happy or unhappy you may be.

I love it that this concept is so contrary to everything our culture tells us about happiness and finding happiness. I feel like we're constantly inundated with messages about what should be making us happy...it's all about me...do what feels right...follow your heart, etc, etc. Choosing to view it as a matter of morality allows us to take personal responsibility and not be victims and completely selfish beings. When I hear: Happiness is a moral obligation, to me that's saying: It's NOT JUST ABOUT ME! Sometimes I need to be reminded of that. I can get so wrapped up in my own little world of feelings and thoughts, I am blinded to how other's are being effected.

Something I heard a lot from my dad when I was growing up was "Change your attitude". This was almost always preceded by "You have a bad attitude!" As a kid I hated hearing that, but little did I know how true it was! Not only was it true that I had a bad attitude-- but I really did have the power to change my attitude. This is a beautiful thing! And of course, I now find myself saying these same things to Mia. Poetic justice at it's finest. ;)

Not sure how much sense any of this post makes...I guess it was kind of just my thoughts as they came. Oh well, take it or leave it!

Happiness and Morality, Part 2

In a previous post I wrote that I agreed with the assertion that happiness is a moral obligation. I could try and summarize the arguments that Dennis Prager presents, but I think I would do a shameful job. So here is an excerpt from the same book, giving 3 reasons why he believes happiness is a moral obligation:

"We owe it to our husband or wife, our fellow workers, our children, our friends, indeed to everyone who comes into our lives, to be as happy as we can be. This does not mean acting unreal, and it certainly does not mean refraining from honest and intimate expressions of our feelings to those closest to us. But it does mean that we owe it to others to work on our happiness. We do not enjoy being around others who are usually unhappy. Those who enter our lives feel the same way. Ask a child what it was like to grow up with an unhappy parent, or ask parents what pain they suffer if they have an unhappy child (of any age).

There is a second reason why happiness is a moral obligation. In general, people act more decently when they are happy. ... Do you feel more positively disposed toward other people and do you want to treat other people better when you are happy or when you are unhappy?

There is yet a third reason, I once asked a deeply religious man if he considered himself a truly pious person. He responded that while he aspired to be one, he felt that he fell short in two areas. One of those areas, was his not being a happy enough person to be considered truly pious. His point was that unhappy religious people reflect poorly on their religion and on their Creator. He was right; in fact, unhappy religious people pose a real challenge to faith. If their faith is so impressive, why aren't these devoted adherents happy? There are only two possible reasons: either they are not practicing their faith correctly, or they are practicing their faith correctly and the religion itself is not conducive to happiness. Most outsiders assume the latter reason. Unhappy religious people should therefore think about how important being happy is-- if not for themselves, then for the sake of their religion. Unhappy, let alone angry, religious people provide more persuasive arguments for atheism and secularism than do all the arguments of atheists."

Walker

Maggie's taken to walking around with this little toy cart we have. It's funny because she reminds me of a little old lady with a walker. :) She's rather unsteady but she can really book it with that thing! She also now likes to push herself around on the firetruck ride-on toy which all her scootching apparently prepared her well for.

Happiness and Morality

"We tend to think that we owe it to ourselves to be as happy as we can be. And this is true. But happiness is far more than a personal concern. It is a moral obligation." (excerpted from "Happiness is a Serious Problem" by Dennis Prager)

More to come on this topic...feel free to let me know if you agree that happiness is a moral obligation and why you believe it is or isn't...

Fogo!

Saturday we got to take the train to downtown Chicago where our friends Scott and June treated us to dinner at Fogo de Chao. Not only was this my first time to experience Chicago nightlife, but it was also my first time going to the city without my kids. And let me tell you-- the food and service at Fogo is amazing! For those who haven't heard of Fogo de Chao, it is a Brazilian steakhouse. All their succulent meats are seasoned and slow-roasted over an open flame and served tableside at your request!!! What an ingenius idea! Each person has what looks like a dual-sided drink coaster. Flip it to green when you're ready to partake (as in, come to me oh gaucho chef and serve me delicious meat!). Flip it to red when you want to stop (as in, this carnivore can stomach no more at this time!). There were something like 14 different types and cuts of meat....I tried almost all of them but didn't waste my time on the chicken. ;) My faves were the filet and the lamb chops (holy cow that's the best lamb I've ever had!).

I can't believe I'm writing almost my whole post about meat!!! Moving on, I was seriously drinking in the moment as we were able to sit and enjoy our meal, drinks and dessert for over 2 hours. I actually got to eat a hot meal-- uninterrupted! Wow, what a concept!

I can't thank Scott & June enough for such a fun night, and I'm SO thankful we finally found a babysitter so I can go out with my husband more often. And as a final note, if you've never tried a capirinha, the Brazilian version of a mojito, you absolutely must do so! :)

On this day

Quite frequently I enjoy looking back at photos from this same date last year or 2 years ago, etc. I like to see how much things have changed in just one year. January 24th, 2008 Maggie was just a tiny little thing! It's hard to believe it's been a year, but at the same time it seems like ages ago that she was so little. My sweet little Maggie. :)