Happiness and Morality, Part 3

OK, so you may be thinking, "What's up with all this happiness and morality business?" Well, it's really nothing major. It's just a topic I think about often and I try to work on even more often. Every couple months I reference back to this book and each time I think I come to appreciate the book all the more. In case you missed it-- the book is called "Happiness is a Serious Problem: A Human Nature Repair Manual" by Dennis Prager. In my opinion, everyone could benefit from reading it, no matter how happy or unhappy you may be.

I love it that this concept is so contrary to everything our culture tells us about happiness and finding happiness. I feel like we're constantly inundated with messages about what should be making us happy...it's all about me...do what feels right...follow your heart, etc, etc. Choosing to view it as a matter of morality allows us to take personal responsibility and not be victims and completely selfish beings. When I hear: Happiness is a moral obligation, to me that's saying: It's NOT JUST ABOUT ME! Sometimes I need to be reminded of that. I can get so wrapped up in my own little world of feelings and thoughts, I am blinded to how other's are being effected.

Something I heard a lot from my dad when I was growing up was "Change your attitude". This was almost always preceded by "You have a bad attitude!" As a kid I hated hearing that, but little did I know how true it was! Not only was it true that I had a bad attitude-- but I really did have the power to change my attitude. This is a beautiful thing! And of course, I now find myself saying these same things to Mia. Poetic justice at it's finest. ;)

Not sure how much sense any of this post makes...I guess it was kind of just my thoughts as they came. Oh well, take it or leave it!

Happiness and Morality, Part 2

In a previous post I wrote that I agreed with the assertion that happiness is a moral obligation. I could try and summarize the arguments that Dennis Prager presents, but I think I would do a shameful job. So here is an excerpt from the same book, giving 3 reasons why he believes happiness is a moral obligation:

"We owe it to our husband or wife, our fellow workers, our children, our friends, indeed to everyone who comes into our lives, to be as happy as we can be. This does not mean acting unreal, and it certainly does not mean refraining from honest and intimate expressions of our feelings to those closest to us. But it does mean that we owe it to others to work on our happiness. We do not enjoy being around others who are usually unhappy. Those who enter our lives feel the same way. Ask a child what it was like to grow up with an unhappy parent, or ask parents what pain they suffer if they have an unhappy child (of any age).

There is a second reason why happiness is a moral obligation. In general, people act more decently when they are happy. ... Do you feel more positively disposed toward other people and do you want to treat other people better when you are happy or when you are unhappy?

There is yet a third reason, I once asked a deeply religious man if he considered himself a truly pious person. He responded that while he aspired to be one, he felt that he fell short in two areas. One of those areas, was his not being a happy enough person to be considered truly pious. His point was that unhappy religious people reflect poorly on their religion and on their Creator. He was right; in fact, unhappy religious people pose a real challenge to faith. If their faith is so impressive, why aren't these devoted adherents happy? There are only two possible reasons: either they are not practicing their faith correctly, or they are practicing their faith correctly and the religion itself is not conducive to happiness. Most outsiders assume the latter reason. Unhappy religious people should therefore think about how important being happy is-- if not for themselves, then for the sake of their religion. Unhappy, let alone angry, religious people provide more persuasive arguments for atheism and secularism than do all the arguments of atheists."

Walker

Maggie's taken to walking around with this little toy cart we have. It's funny because she reminds me of a little old lady with a walker. :) She's rather unsteady but she can really book it with that thing! She also now likes to push herself around on the firetruck ride-on toy which all her scootching apparently prepared her well for.

Happiness and Morality

"We tend to think that we owe it to ourselves to be as happy as we can be. And this is true. But happiness is far more than a personal concern. It is a moral obligation." (excerpted from "Happiness is a Serious Problem" by Dennis Prager)

More to come on this topic...feel free to let me know if you agree that happiness is a moral obligation and why you believe it is or isn't...

Fogo!

Saturday we got to take the train to downtown Chicago where our friends Scott and June treated us to dinner at Fogo de Chao. Not only was this my first time to experience Chicago nightlife, but it was also my first time going to the city without my kids. And let me tell you-- the food and service at Fogo is amazing! For those who haven't heard of Fogo de Chao, it is a Brazilian steakhouse. All their succulent meats are seasoned and slow-roasted over an open flame and served tableside at your request!!! What an ingenius idea! Each person has what looks like a dual-sided drink coaster. Flip it to green when you're ready to partake (as in, come to me oh gaucho chef and serve me delicious meat!). Flip it to red when you want to stop (as in, this carnivore can stomach no more at this time!). There were something like 14 different types and cuts of meat....I tried almost all of them but didn't waste my time on the chicken. ;) My faves were the filet and the lamb chops (holy cow that's the best lamb I've ever had!).

I can't believe I'm writing almost my whole post about meat!!! Moving on, I was seriously drinking in the moment as we were able to sit and enjoy our meal, drinks and dessert for over 2 hours. I actually got to eat a hot meal-- uninterrupted! Wow, what a concept!

I can't thank Scott & June enough for such a fun night, and I'm SO thankful we finally found a babysitter so I can go out with my husband more often. And as a final note, if you've never tried a capirinha, the Brazilian version of a mojito, you absolutely must do so! :)

On this day

Quite frequently I enjoy looking back at photos from this same date last year or 2 years ago, etc. I like to see how much things have changed in just one year. January 24th, 2008 Maggie was just a tiny little thing! It's hard to believe it's been a year, but at the same time it seems like ages ago that she was so little. My sweet little Maggie. :)

Perfect fit

Maggie was very proud and amused to discover today that her index finger fit perfectly into her nostril! Ah yes, it's the little things in life that give us joy! ;)

Little Sponges

I'm pretty sure I've blogged about how amazing it is to me that kids are like little sponges. I've found that my kids absorb just about everything I "put out", so to speak. Here are 2 ways I have really noticed this lately...

Mia is an absolute sponge when it comes to my mood. She absorbs and then acts out whatever that mood may happen to be. I believe all kids are like this to a certain extent, but Mia seems to be especially so. This fact is compelling me to be extra careful in how I display my mood whenever she's around-- if I don't, well I pay for it later! Oftentimes, this requires a lot of self-restraint and curtailing how I'd REALLY like to act. While this is downright annoying and exasperating in the moment, when (and if) I get a moment to reflect later, I think it's pretty amusing and ironic that it takes a little 2 year old to cause me to exert a little self control!

I love it that my kids pick up words and phrases that they hear from us. While this isn't always the most wonderful thing in the world, most of the time it's pretty cool. Lately Mia has taken to using nicknames for Maggie and me. She'll say "Mags" which she hears me call Maggie, but even better is when she calls me "Biscuits". Pretty much anyone who knows us has heard Gabe frequently use his term of endearment for me...Biscuits. I don't really know how it even started! Our friend Matt just can't get over that my nickname is Biscuits-- he has presented the case that my nickname should be "Chips" because Gabe and I initially met over a bowl of chips. Sorry Matt, Biscuits it is!

Motherhood makes you smarter!?!

Take heart readers who are mommies! This book claims motherhood makes you smarter!I'm definitely going to have to pick this one up. I feel like I'm barely functioning on half a brain most of the time! ;)

Welcome Mr. Prez

Today our country officially welcomed it's new president. I got together with some friends to have a little inauguration shin-dig. We had a lovely spread, good company and our thoughtful host even supplied us with little red, white & blue ribbons to pin on our shirts (thanks Mel!). I felt so patriotic. ;) Granted hearing the inauguration and speeches over the roar of the..hmmm...10, yes 10 kids, was a challenge at times, a good time was had by all.

Liberals and conservatives alike, we all can recognize today was most definitely a day of historical significance. Hearing people who grew up in the 50's say they never dreamed they'd see the day when our country would elect a black president is enough to move one to tears. Angry and shameful tears for the fact that our country was ever in such a state and joyful tears that this dream is now a reality.

Even though I can't say that I entirely share in their sentiment, I appreciate that many people have such high hopes in President Obama. It's nice to see so many people excited about our country's future. It's about time all the whining and Bush-bashing ended-- it was sure dragging us ALL down!

So...I say thank you and bid adieu to President Bush and welcome President Obama. Cheers and good luck. You're gonna need it...you sure have lots of expectations to meet!

MLK

In case you live under a rock you know today is Martin Luther King Day. Every MLK Day I like to try and listen to his "I Have a Dream" speech. I think it's important to remember our history, especially to truly appreciate our present. Martin Luther King Jr. was truly a great man and an incredible orator. Listen and watch his speech and be moved all over again....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEMXaTktUfA

Steps

Ladies and gentlemen, that day has finally arrived. That's right. Maggie has ventured into the world of walking like a true homo sapien. Today Maggie took 3 steps. Actually, yesterday I got her to take 1 step, but it was through pure coercion. I enticed her with her paci...but today she did it entirely on her own. I was beginning to wonder if she'd be the little butt scooter her entire life! I had these silly visions of her scooting around on her bum at a high school dance. On the bright side, not too many boys would be into that sorta thing. :) Anyways...I knew she would walk in her own time, and I can't say I was all that eager to embrace the stage of life where I have two kids running around. I imagine it won't be too much longer before the scooting is completely gone. I have to admit that I'll miss it!

One of the first things Gabe said after Maggie took her steps was "Yay! We'll always remember it happened on the day the Steelers won the AFC Championship!" Hope for his sake that proves to be the case...Steelers 16, Ravens 7, top of the 4th quarter. Gabe's donned his Steelers shirt and equipped with his terrible towel. Such a true fan. :)

Hammin' it up

Sister...

I'm missing my sister. I always miss her, but especially so these past couple weeks. She's always been such a great sister, and since I've become a mother I've gotten to appreciate her in a whole new way. I love being able to bounce around ideas, ask for advice and just vent my frustration. She always understands where I'm coming from...geez, writing this is just making me miss her more!

I love this picture of us as kids. I think the photo was taken right after my mom unveiled our newly remodeled room to us. We loved it! To top it off, the photo is a Polaroid! Does that date me or what?? And you're thinking...as if the Little House on the Prairie dresses don't?? Ha!

Hawaii on my mind...

I'm told it's -8 degrees outside today...that's right, MINUS 8 degrees. I wouldn't know for sure as I haven't been outside today. We're staying in all day today for this very reason. I'm not posting this to whine about how cold it is--I'm just mentioning it as a segway to the title of my post. The cold temps today got me daydreaming about Hawaii. Ahhhh, Hawaii. Sweet Hawaii....

I have great memories of Hawaii. A few years ago Gabe and I were fortunate enough to go to the big island. I treated myself to a little reminiscing...looked through some pictures. Wow was that a great vacation. It was absolute therapy being able to lay on the beach and do absolutely nothing...mid 80's and really balmy...sun shining down on me...gentle breeze...the sound of the ocean....Am I painting a lovely picture here, or what? I was still a somewhat new mom at the time so, as you can imagine, I truly soaked in the moment.

So today with our frigid tundra that is Chicago, my thoughts are turning towards Hawaii to warm my day. Hope these pictures warm your day like they did mine. :)

30 posts, 30 days

OK, I'm going to attempt something here. Something that very well may fail. I am going to attempt to do a blog post every day for the next 30 days. A couple months back was "National Blog Month" or something of that sort where bloggers were challenged to do this whole 30 posts in 30 days thing-- I just wasn't up for it at that time, but I've decided to give it a whirl now. I probably won't have anything too interesting to say every day. Correction: I definitely won't have something interesting to say every day. But even so, here we go. Is it cheating to count this as my Day 1 post??

We've got spirit, yes we do!

I have a spirited child. Well, at least that's what we're calling Mia as of late. She's always been, well, the way she is, but things have intensified in the last month or two. She can be wild, stubborn, moody, demanding, anxious and slow to warm up. Of course, I'm just mentioning the frustrating aspects of her personality because those are what's driving me crazy these days. Literally crazy. Some days I feel like my head is going to pop off! I get angry and frustrated, and every once in a while I've had to have a little cry to release the pressure.

So lately we've set out on a quest for help and direction, and that's where I came across the term "spirited" child. I was excited to come across a book about the subject-- Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. The book starts off like this: "The word that distinguishes spirited children from other children is more. They are normal children who are more intense, persistent, sensitive, perceptive, and uncomfortable with change than other children." Boundless energy, a quick withdrawal from anything new and moodiness are also given as typical characteristics. Hmmm...sounds like Mia!

Now I haven't read that far into the book yet, but I'm hoping to find some help in understanding her. Already it's had me redefine the labels I put on her...like the labels I listed in the beginning of this post. Here's how those "labels" would be redefined:
Wild...energetic
Stubborn...assertive, a willingness to persist in the face of difficulties
Moody...emotive
Demanding...holds high standards
Anxious...cautious
Slow to warm up...observant, not impulsive

When I talked to my sister briefly about the term spirited, she wasn't familiar with it-- she said, "you mean undisciplined?" I imagine lots of people feel this way. Even I wonder if all this is just substituting fancy euphemisms for not-so-nice characteristics. Maybe it just makes us feel better about our kids and ourselves....I don't know. All I know is that I resonate with what I read in this book.

After I read the book to completion I'll give an update on my findings. I'm hoping to discover some good tools. Now my primary tool for coping is praying...a lot. :) I pray for Mia, the person she is and the person she'll grow into. But mostly I pray for myself. I pray for heaps of patience and the ability to love Mia-- not with just the undying love that any parent has for their child, because this love, although immense, can be clouded by circumstance-- I pray to be able to love her the way God loves her. Perfect. Real. Unconditional.

Butterfly fairy

OK, excuse the fuzziness and bad shadow in the picture...I'm not the best photographer, but I had to post a picture of Mia, the butterfly fairy. She got the costume as a Christmas gift from her cousin, and spent about 10 minutes jumping on the bed while watching herself in the mirror--perhaps in her eyes she was flying. I took quite a few pictures of her because she seemed so blissfully happy and in such a beautiful, pure way. I love the way children can experience bliss from seemingly little things. For a moment, I wished I could go back to being a kid. No responsibility, ignorance, 12 hours of sleep...oops, that's the mom speaking out there! I guess what I remembered and tried to take to heart was that I need to make sure I find joy in the little things of life. It's too easy to get mowed over with, well, life. I need to slow down and enjoy the little things. And as a mom, sometimes that just consists of watching my girls enjoy the little things of life.

Blah-ging

I've got the blogging blahs. One of the purposes of this blog is to help me feel more in contact with my loved ones, but it doesn't always have that effect. Sometimes it just makes me feel more out of touch. I guess I don't really have much to say right now. With the new year here, I'm mulling over last year and considering what 2009 will have to offer. I'll let you know if I come to an epiphany.

In the mean time, I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Years. Things were mellow and relaxing around here. Here's some pictures from our big snow we got right before Christmas...all Mia wanted to do was eat the snow. :)