Even though I have been rather melancholy and emotional lately, I've also felt a lot of peace with what's going on with my mom. The Bible says that God will give us peace that transcends understanding (Philippians 4:7). I have been abiding in this truth lately.
Some other things that are helping me process my thoughts and feelings are two books that I am reading. The first is called "Heaven: God's answers for your every need" by Randy Alcorn. With the trials my mom has been experiencing, she has been reading a lot on the topic of heaven. I guess she assumed we could benefit from reading it too, because she gave it to all us kids for Christmas. It's an easy read really because it's set up in question-and-answer format. It addresses common questions people have about heaven like: Do heaven's inhabitants remember life on earth? What will we do for all of eternity? What will our resurrection bodies look like? Will there be animals and sports and food and....? Alcorn attempts to answer these questions based on what the Bible lays out for us. So far it's a very interesting read. It's strange that most of us who are followers of Christ don't spend more time thinking about heaven (myself included!). Isn't that what we are all looking forward to!? It's too easy to get distracted with the here and now on earth...
The second book I am reading is called "Is God to Blame? (Beyond pat answers to the problem of suffering)" by Gregory A. Boyd. My mom got me this book a few years ago. I have always been intrigued about the subject of how an all-powerful, loving God can allow evil and tragic events to occur. If God truly loves us, why does He allow us to suffer? Boyd, the author, addresses these issues in the book. So far it has proven to be a fantastic read...it's really making me analyze the way I view God. I'm still in the process of reading it, but I will try to write more about it in the future as suffering is such an important subject. Why God allows the innocent to suffer is a major reason that many people reject God entirely!
I should add that my husband and beautiful girls help to lift my spirits daily as well. Hard to be sad when, as I type this, my girls are singing "Old McDonald" together in the other room. :)
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Interesting enough, my mom and I had a conversation about this very thing the day before yesterday. I was thinking so much, about you and your mom, and felt the need to reach out to my own mother and tell her once again how much I miss and love her, and how grateful I am that I can at least call her to let her know how much I love and miss her!
I questioned God that he would take such a beautiful person as it sounds like your mother is, why would he allow her to suffer and fight so for her life... when there are so many other's who just waste their life away! It just doesn't seem fair.
My mom, said she imagines God to be much like any loving Father, protective and nurturing, but simply unable and/or unwilling to intervene when it comes to our struggles in life.
Maybe he can't prevent the bad things, anymore than he can force us to follow his light?
Maybe he can hope that with our free will we will choose to follow and also choose to seek his love and guidance when the burdens of life are more than we can bare?
I told my mom, I wouldn't blame God as much as I would envy him, getting to have my loved one, all to himself! :)
I am so glad that the peace of love enfolds you and pray that it will keep you there! Grief is a long and sometimes miserable journey, but you will arrive on the other side with a much deeper appreciation for life, for the process, and a greater level of compassion and understanding for those who must endure similar roads ahead... making you one of his most valuable Angels! My prayers will continue to be with you and your family in the many weeks ahead!! God speed! <3
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