She's crafty

A little Beastie Boys reference there in the title, but no that's not the kind of crafty I'm talking about. I am literally talking about crafts...since I've been out of bloggy world I've been gettin' my craft on more so than in the past. I've gotten some good projects completed, and I've found it to be quite therapeutic actually! I have found that it's not so much the crafty work involved that I enjoy, it's the completed project that I relish. It feels really good to me when I finish something. I find unfinished business really nags at the back of my mind. And of course it's great having something fun to do when stuck inside during the winter, and you get something pretty to look at in the end.

So I took on finishing Maggie's babybook-- it is a scrapbook just like I did for Mia. I really should have carefully considered the kind of babybook I made for Mia because it set the precedent for all our other kids. Scrapbooking can be fun but it's also kind of laborious and messy-- not such a great craft when you have nosy little ones poking into everything you do! Even so, it turned out cute, and it was fun taking a trip down memory lane looking at all the baby photos of Magsees.

My favorite crafty thing to do these days is sew. I made a new set of curtains for my living room, and I think they came out quite nicely. Then I took on doing my first sewing project following a pattern-- I chose a sassy, retro apron. Cute AND functional. Sweet! Then came my big project...my first quilt. It's a lap quilt for my living room and it coordinates with the curtains I made. Boy was that a lot of work! I definitely have a long way to go as far as technique goes if I want to become a quilter. It is really pretty, but that's mostly due to the fact that I used yummy fabric by my fave designer, Amy Butler. I could probably totally butcher a project and it would still look pretty if I used her fabric. Check out the photo and you'll see what I mean!

Anyways, still deciding what I want my next project to be. I am by no means original or as crafty as some people, but I enjoy it.

Peace

Even though I have been rather melancholy and emotional lately, I've also felt a lot of peace with what's going on with my mom. The Bible says that God will give us peace that transcends understanding (Philippians 4:7). I have been abiding in this truth lately.

Some other things that are helping me process my thoughts and feelings are two books that I am reading. The first is called "Heaven: God's answers for your every need" by Randy Alcorn. With the trials my mom has been experiencing, she has been reading a lot on the topic of heaven. I guess she assumed we could benefit from reading it too, because she gave it to all us kids for Christmas. It's an easy read really because it's set up in question-and-answer format. It addresses common questions people have about heaven like: Do heaven's inhabitants remember life on earth? What will we do for all of eternity? What will our resurrection bodies look like? Will there be animals and sports and food and....? Alcorn attempts to answer these questions based on what the Bible lays out for us. So far it's a very interesting read. It's strange that most of us who are followers of Christ don't spend more time thinking about heaven (myself included!). Isn't that what we are all looking forward to!? It's too easy to get distracted with the here and now on earth...

The second book I am reading is called "Is God to Blame? (Beyond pat answers to the problem of suffering)" by Gregory A. Boyd. My mom got me this book a few years ago. I have always been intrigued about the subject of how an all-powerful, loving God can allow evil and tragic events to occur. If God truly loves us, why does He allow us to suffer? Boyd, the author, addresses these issues in the book. So far it has proven to be a fantastic read...it's really making me analyze the way I view God. I'm still in the process of reading it, but I will try to write more about it in the future as suffering is such an important subject. Why God allows the innocent to suffer is a major reason that many people reject God entirely!

I should add that my husband and beautiful girls help to lift my spirits daily as well. Hard to be sad when, as I type this, my girls are singing "Old McDonald" together in the other room. :)

Ebb and flow...

Last night I got some bad news. It's not like I didn't see it coming, but expecting it and being faced with the reality are very different things. My dad has felt like my mom's condition has been declining with each day. So after a discussion with the doctor, my mom and dad decided to decline any further treatment of the cancer, and they have arranged for hospice care to come into the home. Aggressive treatment now turns to making Mom comfortable in her final days.

All throughout my mom's battle with cancer, I have tried to remain optimistic and believe for healing. However, after finding out a couple weeks ago that the cancer foraged into her brain....well, I guess I woke up to the frightening realization that she very well could be dying. The first time I said that out loud led to a stream of bitter tears. Even now as I write, I find it hard to put words to my feelings. I want to write because it helps with processing, but either I am a poor writer or the English language has a huge void in accurately expressing the heart! I mean, how can I encompass the world of emotions that I feel right now!? It's a cycling of emotions right now....sadness, anger, peace, shock....each day includes some or all of those.

I guess I'm writing this post out of a current state of sadness. Later I will write about the peace I have. Gabe and I have felt much peace lately in reading a book that my mom got us for Christmas...it's about heaven.

Coming through, loud and clear

Sometimes I feel like my kids don't listen to a word I say. I repeat the same things over and OVER...but are they actually listening!? However, sometimes I get an answer to that question. Or at least in part. Maybe not everything I say is getting through to them , but some things definitely are. I don't have to question where Mia gets some of the things she says (I know where Maggie gets everything she says-- right from her sister!). Lately Mia has been saying something to the likes of: "This is making me crazy!!!" (You'll just have to imagine that being said with A LOT of drama.) Uh-oh...good job mommy. Yup, guilty as charged...I say that exact phrase. Another thing she tells me is "Just calm down, Mommy." I tell her this all the time as she is quite the drama queen, but when she says that to me...ugh, it's really annoying and patronizing. Hmmm...maybe that's how she feels when I say it to her...

Highs and lows

I've been pondering on how to cover the past 8 or whatever months that are missing from my blog. I was going to dedicate several posts to summarizing that period of time, but frankly, I just don't think I have the energy for it right now. Maybe later I will?

Here is the very raw summary:
Mia turned 3 in April. The summer started out nice. Found out my mom has kidney cancer in June...Mom & Dad return from South Africa stat and Mom gets her kidney removed. Had a lovely visit in PA with hubby's family. Visit AZ in August to see Mom and Dad...good to see the family...Mom is recovering nicely from surgery but will need to start chemo ASAP because the cancer is aggressive and has spread to her lungs. September, find out I am expecting baby #3...tired and queasy turns to feeling fine...have a miscarriage. Thought I was 10 weeks but turns out baby stopped growing at 6. A few days after D&C surgery, November 8th, Maggie turns 2. I am a hormonal/emotional wreck for a few weeks. In-laws visit for Thanksgiving. We are broke and have been for a while...so much for the so-called raise he was supposed to get by moving here! December...find out Mom has been going downhill since Thanksgiving...the most recent drug isn't working...the cancer is in her bones and brain now too. Have a low-key Christmas and New Years. Our church announces it's closing it's doors in a couple months...ran out of money. Feeling melancholy a lot...thinking of and praying for Mom. Feel a sense of urgency to see Mom...trip planned for January.

So there you have it. 2009 in a nutshell. Gabe and I have decided that 2009 wasn't such a hot year for us. We definitely had our share of bad news. Oh well, it is what it is. I try to tell myself that I can't truly appreciate the highs in life without experiencing the lows. And this is true I suppose, but when you're at the bottom that little quip isn't that comforting. However, what IS comforting to me lately is the fact that Jesus actually cares when we are hurting. Throughout my mom's battle with cancer, she has been keeping an online journal of her thoughts and experiences. One theme that pervades is that of "exchanging of my weakness for His strength". It really is amazing that, in our weakest, direst, most desperate conditions we can find God's strength peace the most.